Sunday, February 28, 2010

Knee Deep In Beaver

While searching for a new apartment on CL, I came across an interesting post. After some encouragement from my friends, I responded using a pic of a random white guy I found on Google (I actually typed 'white male' in the search). His name is Tim and you can Facebook him if you'd like (patrickorork45@live.com). I'm sure he's eager to make new friends...

The following is our exchange...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original Post:

$100 gay friendly male needed!!

white male nudist needs a gay friendly white male to share my small room with me,I am naked when i am in my room and would require my roomate to do the same,please be in shape and like to be naked with another guy....You will get use of HD tv with extended cable and use of my lap top for internet use,access to small fridge,and double burner hot plate in room and microwave right out side my door..there is no kitchen!! for your 100.00 a month i will give you a spot on the floor of my room...Hit me back with a face picture and phone number if you are interested,,,,please be under 32

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day:

Pat,

My name is Landon and I saw your ad on CL for the room in South ****. I just have a few questions but first let me tell you about myself. I'm 26yrs old. 5'11", 215lbs. I enjoy the outdoors, hiking, kayaking, horseback riding and the smell of campfires. I don't consider myself gay, but I have had a few experiences that I won't go into in the first email. I'm a student @ [University] and am moving within the next few weeks. I don't come from the richest family, and the extra money I do have I prefer to spend on my hobbies and habits, if you know what I mean, which makes the arrangement you've described sound like a good one.

So when is the room available? Do you provide meals at all? Would I be able to use the bed when you weren't in it? Are you single? Would there be anyone else ever over? Could I invite other people over? Not that it would be often, but maybe to pop in and out. How often would I HAVE to be naked? I do like clothes at times.

Please reply with that info and maybe we can arrange to meet. Looking forward to rooming with you.

Ciao

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim:

could we meet tonight? and no i seldom have people over,and yes you can have people over as long as you are not fucking girls in my room..the room is open now,and i would like it if you were at least in your boxers when in my room,but agree to be naked for at least the first three days you are here.do you have a better pic,i can hardly see that one.let me know if we can meet tonight...Tim

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim: 2nd reply (1 hour later)

so i guess you are no longer interested?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day: 2nd Response

Tim,

Sorry for calling you Pat. I was going by the email addy. Yes I am still interested, dude. I was just out last night skinning beavers... ha ha... No, literally though. I lead a boys troop and we were knee deep in beaver last night. lots of cool things you can do with those critters. Hope you're not some PETA freak about it. It's what I do.

Anyway, I'm out camping and writing this from my phone. It's amazing I still have service out here. I won't be back in town until Monday. This is the only other pic I have on my phone. I do have a few more questions about the room. First, how long did you want this arrangement to last? Have you ever had such an arrangement in the past? How did that work out and why did it end? Just curious. As far as sex with girls, does that include trans-gendered individuals? Again, I am not gay but I do have my kinks. Maybe a pre-op tranny, or cross dresser. Will this arrangement be discrete? I'm not totally comfortable with the world knowing about this situation. And you never answered the question about providing food.

If you can answer these questions in entirety and maybe send a pic of yourself, I would greatly appreciate it. Especially since I'm feeling a little exposed right now. I've given you so much info about myself and have sent you two pics already. If this is someone's idea of a joke then you can go fuck yourself right now. And if not, I apologize.

Ok, I have to get back to my boys. Hope to hear from you soon. Ciao!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim 3rd Reply:

Landon,
First of all i can barely feed myself so you would have to provide your own food..But if i have lunch meat and you want a sandwich that would be fine..

and cross dressers would be fine,as long as they have a penis it's all good,and judging from what you have already told me,you would let another guy suck your dick?I am not saying it has to happen,but i do have expert oral skills..I have had a situation like this one time before and it only lasted a week because the guy was a loser.The pic i have included is an old one and i look better in person then i do in the pic..
You can stay here on a temp. basis until you can get back on your own two feet and find a place of your own.
I am 47 140lbs with a bald head and blue eyes.I am on disability and live on a monthly check,I am mostly a home body and don't leave the house for very long,I do go out and have a few drinks on Friday and Saturday nights.as far as you gettig my bed when i am not in it that is fine with me.It is a single bed and we could both squeeze in it if you don't move around alot in your sleep. and this would be a discrete situation and no one will know about anything that might happen should you move in.I hope this answers your questions.and also hope you will give this a try and if you find you don't like it then you would be free to leave with no questions asked.Let me know if you would like to come check out the house when you get back in town on Monday....Tim

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tim 4th Reply:

so i guess you are no longer interested?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haha. This was the point in which I thought I had run out of sick things to say to this guy... My friends later convinced me to dig even deeper into my twisted psyche...

To be continued in... Night Terrors

Friday, February 26, 2010

booths

If you're walking around in 3inches of snow with a tan that would make a black man jealous, you may be trying too hard. Listen up, kiddos... you've got plenty of time to develop cancer. Don't rush it... and definitely don't buy unlimited monthly sessions of it during the winter months... no matter how much free lotion they give you...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Free Snow Cones

Today on my snowy trek to work I walked past the local crack house. Usually I have nothing but bad things to say about that place, but today was a little different. On the side of the house I saw a trail of lemon snow cones that no one seemed to be concerned about. So I cautiously walked over, grabbed a handful and enjoyed my free treat on the rest of my journey. They tasted a little funny but hey, I can't complain. You get what you pay for right?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Educational Tools

I don't watch "porno". I watch "how to videos".


Strictly educational...

Bluetooth

Don't you hate it when it looks like sum1's talking to themselves... then u be like 'oh that's just they bluetooth'... then they turn they head and aint NOTHING IN THEY EARS????

Now you gotta keep all ya senses sharp just in case some shit pop off... and dnt make eye contact, cuz that might push them ALL the way over the edge... just scan the bus and glance... like, 'naw i aint looking at u bitch, i'm just lookin at everything... over and over again...

Trail Blazer

To hell with you, Snow. You're not going to tell me where I can and can't walk. To hell with your pathways and designated cross walks. I blaze my own trail. I take the road less traveled. And if that means getting a little of you in my shoe, and having a soggy sock all day, then fine. Cuz NOBODY tells Day Bracey where to walk. Not even you, Snow!

The List

List of things I wasn't looking for, but found on the bus today:

1. tampon

End of list.

2nd Hand Breathing

I hate the bus stop in the winter. It's not because I can feel the bitter chill slowly drain the life from my extremities, or that I have to dodge the occasional low flying penguin (Pittsburgh winters tend to cause mild hallucinations). It's all the 2nd hand breathing. You know, when you can see someone's frozen breath smack you in the face with the faint smell of gingivitis? It's an odd phenomenon because people breathe in your face all year long, but it's only during the winter that you're forced to watch the offense slowly and repeatedly occur...

Bush League

Dear Ladies,

Please take your bushes back to whatever 70's porno you got them from. It's 2010. We rid the White House of Bush and it's high time you did the same for your pants.

Sincerely,

The Men Who Won't Go Near Them